Excluded by Her Boss, Woman Feels Left Out

D D ear Zazz: I am a working mother who has been at the same companyfor six years. Last November, I was transferred to a new department.

"Karen," my new supervisor, has four kids. When she offered methe job, she complimented me on my work and welcomed me into thegroup. But since then, she rarely has spoken to me.

Karen is very friendly with her other 15 employees. They haveanimated discussions about their kids. She's always showing thembaby photos. If I force myself into the discussions, she won't makeeye contact. Or she'll say, "Don't you have work to do?" It'sembarrassing.

I get along well with everyone else. Many notice how Karentreats me.

I gave Karen a Christmas gift that she hardly acknowledged.Then she had a private gift-giving party in her office with everyonebut me.

Two weeks ago, she had a birthday party for her twins. Allstaffers - except me - were invited, along with their kids andspouses. I didn't even know about the party until Monday morningwhen a co-worker innocently asked, "Why'd you miss all the fun atKaren's party?"

Last week, Karen asked me to stay by the phones. Then sheinvited everyone into the conference room to watch the video of herparty. She even served popcorn!

I think she's doing this to me on purpose, but I'm afraid toconfront her.

I like my job. I just can't stand how I'm being treated.

My friends outside work say that when a supervisor ignores asubordinate, it usually means she's about to be fired. Is that it?

- PERPLEXED

Dear Perplexed: Something is going on here, and you have to findout why. Ask a friendly co-worker who is close to Karen to gingerlyask her why she treats you as a non-person. That might give you someclues.

Then, you'll still have to talk to Karen yourself. Shootstraight with her. If your job is in jeopardy, you need to knowthat. If she is torturing you due to a misunderstanding, a meanstreak or a nutty personality disorder, you need to get a handle onthat, too.

Unless this is resolved, reconsider working in Karen'sdepartment - or even for the company. You belong somewhere whereyou'll be appreciated.

Dear Zazz: My friend "Sarah" is a workaholic. We're bothninth-graders.

I remember in seventh grade, she got scared by all the homeworkwe received. She's never been the same since.

She spends at least four hours a night on homework. She toppedseven hours last night. She's constantly rechecking her work. Sheseems afraid to get anything wrong. She says she likes working hard,but I'm worried. Please advise.

- TRYING TO HELP

Dear Trying: Sarah could be simply a very motivated, dedicatedstudent. But you should trust your instincts about this.

One possibility is that she's feeling great pressures from herparents - or from her own desires to please them.

As a friend, consider telling her mom and dad about yourconcerns. Suggest that they talk to Sarah's teachers to see how theyview her strong work ethic.

You might be closer to Sarah than all the adults in her life.By at least making contact with others who love her, you could be ofgreat help to her.

Dear Zazz:: Regarding all the letters about the girl who foundher dad's porn magazines: I am much more concerned with parents whokeep guns in their homes than with those who hide porn. Guns havekilled many more children than magazines have.

Certainly, that father shouldn't have left his magazines wherehis daughter could find them. However, we shouldn't stop everythingthat gives us pleasure simply because we now have children.

- F. D.

Write Zazz, Box 3455, Chicago 60654. Or fax your questions orcomments to: (312) 661-0375. Or call Zazz's 24-hour hotline: (312)321-2003.